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Periods / Claire Blackmore

39 Thoughts You Have When Your Period Takes You By Surprise

1. Oh, hey you.

2. Why am I always a tiny bit shocked when you turn up?

3. It’s not like we haven’t been in a long term relationship for, like, ever.

4. Trust you to come when I don’t have any tampons in my handbag.

5. But I always have tampons in my handbag.

6. Like when they fall out on the bus.

7. Or in front of a first date.

8. Or when I pull one out in a meeting because I think it’s a pen.

9. Got to remember pens aren’t small and fat.

10. Also, got to stop confusing pens with tampons in front of colleagues.

11. Crap, I still haven’t solved my tampon dilemma and am now in danger of bleeding through jeans.

12. Where’s the nearest toilet?

13. I hate public toilets.

14. This thin and quite rough toilet roll could work if I use 10 sheets and fold them up neatly, right?

15. This feels like a weird adult nappy.

16. Still, it’s not for long. Must. Find. Shop.

17. Shame I have to walk (sorry, waddle) to find said shop.

18. Why can’t people train carrier pigeons to bring them to me?

19. Or Leonardo DiCaprio.

20. Would that be nice?

21. Would I rather meet him whilst sitting on the toilet or never meet him at all?

22. THE DILEMMA.

23. Oooh, a shop!

24. Tampons: seen. They’re non-applicator though.

25. I don’t normally do non-applicator.

26. It’s fine, these are desperate times.

27. My hands are clean.

28. Or are they?

29. Maybe I should buy some bubblegum-scented hand sanitiser just incase.

30. Good decision.

31. I’m doing well.

32. Now all I need to do is pay, go back to the toilet where Leo may or may not be waiting for me and insert shiny new tampon.

33. Where’s my purse?

34. It was in my handbag.

35. Did it also fall out on the bus?

36. Oh no, here it is.

37. Doesn’t quite feel like my normal purse though.

38. Why is it small and fat?

39. *pulls out tampon*

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