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Periods / Claire Blackmore

31 Thoughts You Have When You Suffer From Heavy Periods

1. Oh good, it’s that time of the month again when I’m basically going to become anaemic.

2. I’m sure I should be registering for blood transfusions.

3. This can’t be normal.

4. Who has to wear super plus tampons and a pad AT THE SAME TIME?

5. Maybe I should wear a nappy.

6. Also, who are these women that have two day periods?

7. Or use light tampons!?

8. Is that some kind of sick joke?

9. My period is pretty much biblical.

10. Maybe I did something bad in a past life and this is my punishment.

11. Cramps.

12. SUCH. BAD. CRAMPS.

13. Maybe I’m in labour?

14. Can you be on your period and be having a baby at the same time?

15. It definitely feels like it.

16. *Frantically googles*

17. Oh. It must just be the large pieces of womb falling out of me.

18. At least I’m wearing black.

19. *Changes tampon (and pad) for the gazillionth time today*

20. Still, this is character building right?

21. There’s probably loads of us out there, exhausted from losing what feels like a bath full of blood.

22. Maybe we should start a club.

23. We’d all wear nappies, head-to-toe black and meet at the hospital for our blood transfusions.

24. It actually sounds weirdly fun?

25. We could get ‘heavy flow’ badges that let us queue jump at public toilets.

26. Including festivals.

27. It could even get us into the VIP section?

28. We are very important.

29. Maybe it isn’t so bad after all?

30. *Sneeze*

31. OHHHH GAAAAAAAD…

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